As you may or may not know from a previous FB post, I have a 125 lb house guest who happens to be a German Shepard, just for the night. I woke up to the sound of my damn doorbell ringing. I figured it was the 5 huge boxes Tom shipped home from work so I didn’t jump up. The Fedex guy has seen some sights I’m sure, but definitely not me on this day. I can’t lift all of those anyway and one weighs 70 lbs.
So I got out of bed anyway and was making my Kerig coffee and realized that no cats are in sight. They always greet me in the kitchen. The GSH was in the basement in Ivy’s bedroom with the door closed and has not come face to face with either of the cats.
I started walking through the house to figure out where they are hiding and my best guess was my office which is actually a bedroom. There on top of a bakers rack where the Two, who never get purposely within 10 ft of each other, who were now about 2ft apart.
Alice was resting all pulled together with paws tucked blinking at me. Kitteh was sitting up on her haunches with her head cocked sideways with a look of horror in her wide eyes. I talked to her sweetly but her position never changed. I got a belly laugh over that.
If they could talk they would have requested to see their union rep. Huge dogs were not apart of the contract. A united front. OMG. This would be like the earth during an alien invasion. We would all forget our petty gripes and join together to form teams and protect each other. I hope aliens look just like Shepards.
Ivy got up and took Diesel back to his own house. He’s such a sweet boy. Alice Kitty be like, ‘Look, I may be a cat but I ain’t no pussy. I spent 5 months in a shelter. Nothing scares me.’ Bravado helps. Maybe she has PTSD.
Kitteh will spend the next day I’d imagine, looking for monsters under the bed. I carried her out into the living room and showed her it was safe but she ain’t buying it. She ran back to the office making sideways glances… Oh gawd.
Yes, my world is very small..
Okay blog reading FB People! It’s Wednesday Hump Day (say it Tom) and I want everyone to stand up and shake what you gave yourself. Ah yes. Now sit before you hurt yourself.
Today I want to talk about body maintainance. I made that word purposely long because it is a long and arduous task keeping oneself looking normal. The older you get, the more work it takes to be less than disgusting and who cares anyway? I don’t know. What happened to the days of taking a nice old person with deep lines in their faces and long curly toenails and just leaving them sitting out in the desert to become buzzard food?
It seems the older we get, the more work it takes to be presentable. It’s not only more work, it’s more difficult work especially when it comes to the lower extremities. If your belly is not in the way, good for you. Now go away. For the rest of us normals who haven’t seen their particulars in about 10 years, let’s talk about feet.
We have been stomping around on these things for a good 50 years or more and they are really starting to rebel. Can we say corns, callouses, warts for cripes sake, heel spurs, vertical heel cracks, spider veins, hammer toes, and blisters. (I dislocate my toes buts that’s for another day) Not even mentioning toe nails here. This is where after many many visits to the drug store, or Amazon, come what may, you go see my friend Gretel Crison.
Now, I have never actually met Gretel, for one she lives in Utah, and for another she went to school with my husband and I did not play on the kindergarten playground when I was in the 6th grade, but she was thinking far into the future when she got her degree. Oh yes! Millions of people are going to need podiatry eventually. What a smart girl. I guess she is doing Latter Day Saints podiatry, but I wish she lived next door.
Feet can be a pretty disgusting topic. Some won’t even go there, but Gretel has made a career out of it. I marvel at that. We FB messaged for most of an evening about what it takes to permanently fix Onychocryptosis. Can you say that? (Mister Rogers) Onychocryptosis-Ingrown toenails. Everyone say OUCH! Let me explain this, but first let me say that Gretel knew the exact medical billing code number for the procedure to fix it so I can safely assume she is very familiar with this.
The procedure is called a matricectomy. Whenever you see -ectomy it means something is being removed. So very quickly let me tell you what they do; After they numb your toe with a big needle they take a hot blade and run it up under your toenail and cut the sides of the nail off while cauterizing the nail bed so it doesn’t grow back.
I’m excited!!! (she says while she runs screaming through the house with her hands in the air)…. I’m back. I want some good drugs for this. I watched them do this to my son and almost puked. Ingrown nails must run in the family.
I have done battle with this my whole adult life but as it gets harder to reach ones feet the battle becomes lost, and we succumb. I can dig at this throbbing toe no longer and I trip when I wear sandals anyway.
We worry less about what our feet are going to look like in bed and by now toe-sex is definitely left to the younger crowd. So go ahead you Gretels of the world…cut it off!!! We just need to be comfortable now, or sitting in the desert facing the east with a bottle of Jack…
I am so sad (see me pout) Have a great day!
I would paste a picture here but who want’s to see that?
Please follow my blog, SHARE and comment if you like. I love the repartee